And I’ll tell you another thing. Why would we be making Green Milk if it wasn’t good for you? What would be the point of that? You need to stop calling here, ok kid?! We’ve had enough of your shi…

Oh, hi. I didn’t see you come in there. What? This? Oh, I was just going to cut some bamboo out back – it’s been growing wild recently and the machete is the easiest way of getting rid of it.

What’s the word of the day you ask? It’s inculcate. As in I am going to inculcate this child with the hell fury in which I was born, breaking only to eat crumpets, swig dried milk flecked tea and answer my Tinder messages. Well what else are you going to do on a weekday afternoon?

No, that wasn’t a rhetorical question, I just want to know. Please leave your answers in the box below and I’ll reply to every single one. Or not. I don’t know. It’s Tramadol Tuesday at my Mum’s house and we don’t even own any bamboo.

Let yourself out.