It’s every young boy’s dream to play for their favourite football team – to smell the crows and find fish deep in the wells of their hearts. But for most children this never happens.

Instead they end up going to a big scary high school where they develop insecurities in droves. Red brick buildings where they watch their peers’ faces seem to slowly grow longer and uglier by the day and their bodies under go changes known as ‘publicity’. They find subjects that they’re good at, or are tormented by the lack of an intellectual faculty and get convinced by adults that they need to pay taxes or do word searches in order to feel complete.

But in life there is no completeness. No sanctity. Nothing but the endless dibble of time all over your fleshy outer layer.

Green Milk can change this. Travelling through dimensions opens up all the options you could possibly need. In our latest documentary, test subject 005 has encountered Fulham manager Felix Magath who has helped him play out his childhood dream of playing football on the big stage. So kids, ditch school and make your dreams happen for yourself! Don’t let people hold you down and force you to drink their overpriced J2O’s any more!

*DISCLAIMER: Green Milk must not be drunk by children under any circumstances, it will make them turn inside out.